Baby Shower

My baby shower was about a week ago. We had it at La Costa Mexican restaurant, formally known as Azteca over by the mall. At first this seems like a sort of weird place for a baby shower, but let me tell you it was awesome. First of all, Mexican food! Hello ... yum! Second of all, no clean up or set up on our part. However, it was NOT cheap! A BIG thanks to my parents (and in laws for their help too!) for putting up the funds to pay for this. Planning parties is not my mother's favorite thing but she did a wonderful job of picking out the location, sending out the invites, getting everything put together, and coming up with cute little baby boy/blue decorations. I'm very proud of you mom, thanks a ton! :-)

Me, my "favorite aunt" Theresa, and Mom

Mom in law

I'm very glad that almost everyone was able to make it. It means a lot to me that you ladies who were able to show up did. It means a lot to know that even those of you that I have not seen in forever, and even those of you who I'm not really that close to or don't usually spend that much time with came to support me and troy and our new family. It was so nice to have all the wonderful ladies in my life all in one place for a couple hours. I tried my very best to get around to chat with everyone. It is very important to me that you know how much I appreciate you. There were a lot of people so it was hard to be able to sit down and chat for very long with everyone. I really hope no one felt left out or was upset by how little time it felt like we had to connect that day. Even if I didn't get to talk to you that much it means everything to me that you simply showed up... even if you couldn't stay long. So thank you all so much!

You all brought some wonderful gifts with you too which I am SO thankful for! There's hardly anything left that Troy and I will have to buy to start out. I think we got a wonderful start and our little guy will have everything he needs, and Troy and I will have everything we need to make it easier on us. Thankfully I didn't get too many duplicates! You all did great and I appreciate, so much, each and every thing  you were able to give us, no matter how big or how small. I am also really thankful for those of you who put the time in to make things yourselves. Those are special to me and mean so much! It's so great to have something that was made just for Elijah :-) I love them! Thank you all SO much for everything!! :-)



Oh and thank you everyone for "ooooohing" and "awwwwing" at the right moments ;-) I know it can be VERY boring watching someone open presents for a million years... even when it's cute baby stuff!

I can't wait 'til Eli's here, maybe we can have another party, a "meet the baby" party! That will be loads of fun. I can't wait to meet him, and I can't wait for everyone else in my life to meet him too!

How is 33 weeks treating you?

I just realized it's been about a million years since I blogged anything... Okay more like half a month or so, but it feels like forever! The thing is, is that I feel like I don't have much to report on the whole baby thing, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that there are always things happening even though I feel like I've been stuck the same way for so long... I really haven't been. 

Today I am one day shy of 33 weeks. That means I have only 7 weeks left until my expected due date. That is less than two months! That means, I'm almost done with the pregnant part of this, that means the REAL adventure begins!! Oh man! When I think of it that way it's just a little nerve wracking and VERY exciting!

Can you even believe how big that bump is getting! Here's where we stand... A couple tiny stretch marks that are less than an inch long on my side there by my hand, if you look really closely you may be able to see them. Other then that, no stretch marks on my tummy or my chest. Thank God! I just hope it stays that way. I don't want to speak too soon.

As far as doctor visits go, I just had one a few days ago at about the 32 week mark. Prior to that I had been seeing the doctor about once a month. From that appointment on, I'll see the doc every two weeks until the end of December. Starting in January I'll go once a week until baby comes. At this point Eli weighs approximately 3lbs and is probably around 14 inches long or so. In the next 7weeks he'll gain approx 1/2lb per week and overall gain about 4inches or more. It all just depends of course. These numbers are sort of an average that the doctor gave me. I on the other hand should gain approx 1lb a week for the next 7 weeks. This far I've gained 24 lbs. Which is right around average/normal for my before prego size. Meaning I may not have too much extra fat to try to work off after baby comes... which also means I have not been stuffing my face more than i need to. Hopefully the next 7 weeks will continue in much the same way.

At this point, although it sorta looks like it in the picture, my belly button has still not "popped" but i have definitely gotten my pregnancy line down the middle of my tummy. I honestly don't know why that  happens or what it's actually for, so if you do, feel free to share your info!

Eli is running out of room I think. As far as his patterns go he moves around alot every night as I'm falling asleep and moves around every morning when I get up. I think he moves his whole body sometimes in really weird places because I swear I feel an uncomfortable sort of awkward bulge in one are of my stomach but not in another. During the day he's very sporadic and doesn't seem to have much of a pattern as far as I can tell. He'll move a couple times then I'll feel nothing for a few hours. I'm guessing he hangs out a lot with his head down because I am constantly being kicked in the ribs which is very uncomfortable. I swear I can barely sit anymore because he doesn't have enough room and kicks me for it. I doesn't necessarily hurt but it is VERY weird and VERY uncomfortable when he does it.

I've also been experiencing A LOT of back pain in my upper right side and around my ribs to the front. The pain is in a very specific spot and is at its worst when I'm sitting for long periods of time. I finally gave in and went to the chiropractor for this. He said it's nothing to worry about and it's very common for pregnant women. He "popped" my ribs a bunch of times and "popped" my hips too which provided some relief for about a week. Now the pain is back and it's getting worse. Unfortunately he said that he cannot cure it, he can only provide some temporary relief by "popping" things back in place. The real problem won't go away until after the baby's born. Great.

I've also been having a lot of trouble sleeping. This I think is in large part due to Troy's deployment. When I have to go for a long period of time without hearing from him I get very anxious, sad and depressed. I start to miss him way too much and I think it effects my sleep. Pair that with a trip to the bathroom every couple hours, a really heavy tummy, a moving baby, and back and hip pain its no wonder I don't sleep so well anymore! Some of it i think is hormonal but I've been a lot more moody lately too. I think it's partly because of the no sleep thing too though. It is weird to feel SO irritated at everything for no reason. I know when I'm feeling this way or am acting bitchy so I do my best to control it, but it's very scary, it's like this dark evil creature is creeping around in my head making me angry just because he can. I don't like it. It's like PMS on overload.

I don't mean to complain, I just figured this blog gives me a way to track how I'm feeling and what changes I'm going through. This is definitely getting harder physically. This 3rd trimester is the most uncomfortable and most painful by far. Everything is becoming more and more awkward. I'm still very thankful that my pregnancy is considered very normal and very uncomplicated. I am glad that God has blessed me with this overall breeze of a pregnancy. I hope he'll bless me with a breeze of a baby too ;-) However, I'm less hopeful on that one, how would he teach us anything about love and faith and such without complicated children to challenge us physically and emotionally?

I am becoming VERY anxious about meeting my little one. I'm ready to be on with the next step. Especially as more people I know get to have their babies before me I feel a little jealous. I feel so attached to Eli already and I'm just so excited and so anxious for him to finally be here. Obviously I don't want him here too soon because of the complications he may have as a preemie, but I want him here because I'm ready to take on the next steps, I'm ready to see my son and touch my son... I just can't wait! It will be the happiest moment ever... or at least it will run a close second to finally getting my man back!

A few thoughts on being pregnant

I was just thinking...

I thought that my "little something extra" and my "curves" (before i was pregnant) were more then just that, sometimes I would get wrapped up in the whole body image issues that I think almost all girls face. I would sometimes feel icky... well frankly fat. I know it was silly, but I had my days. Ha! I look at that now and I'm dreaming of the day when I can have that body back (i sure hope i have that body back!!). 20lbs later (and not just a normal 20lbs, we're talking a growing baby, 20lbs all in my boobs and my belly) I'm laughing at myself for ever thinking that the "before" body was not absolutely dreamy and perfect. It's getting rough being so weighed down all in the front! However, I must admit, it is very exciting. I would not be excited about gaining 20lbs on a normal basis, but I'm getting a son out of this!! And BIG boobs ;-) ... oh actually big boobs are not all they're cracked up to be. I never had really small ones, at least not since high school, but I do understand the thrill that the "flat" girls get from dreaming of big giant boobs. I'm here to testify that they are more of a pain then anything. I think there's a point when they're too big...I dunno if I'm quite there yet, but I'm nearing the point where I'm starting to get concerned with "do they even make a size bigger then this? What's the next letter in the alphabet? Does Vicky's Secret make those? oh my gosh, am I gonna have to get ugly full support bras? Please tell me they make cute ones!!" ;-)

"Before"

Next...

It's SO funny watching pregnant ladies try to get off the couch! They have to sort of just flop back into the couch and hope they land right...possibly using a hand behind them on the back of the couch as support. Oh and getting off the couch, that's funny too, the have to take a full minute to scoot to the front edge of the couch then push themselves up and off of it. Oh it is a hoot to watch! Okay, yeah not when it's YOU! alright, I'll admit I still see the humor in it as an outsider watching this whole thing happen, but as the pregnant lady, this is rough. I have to make a plan, think the whole thing out now..."Do I REALLY have time to sit down? Are we going to need to leave soon, if so, there's no point, we'll be late to wherever we're going because I need at least an extra 10mins to get back up." If i finally do decide to sit down I have to sit all these crazy ways to make room for this tummy! It feels like my little guy is being squished up into who knows what. I even get kicks in the ribs to remind me that he's there. I have to sort of recline myself, or sit criss-cross or with my legs apart (like a guy... i have to sit like a guy now!). It's really very weird. I dunno how Elijah even fits in there, it makes no sense to me. Good thing God made babies like tiny little spaces, and made them easy to mush up and fold up...good thing they're flexible.

This makes me think of trying to put on socks and shoes and even pants. I sort of have to stretch my leg out to the side in order to get it up high enough to get a shoe on it. My balance is not so great but I am finding it's actually a little easier to try to get most shoes on mostly standing. I'm having the hardest time doing things while sitting unless there's lots of room to stretch out and contort in weird ways. That would be one advantage to a summer baby... flip flops. That's it, that's all you'd need. But winter = rain, cold and possible snow. That means real shoes are necessary. Is it going to get even more difficult?? I feel like I'm not THAT big compared to other's I've seen who are as far along as I am, but perhaps I'm just in some major denial. I do have at least a full 2 1/2 months 'til the due date, I'm guessing A LOT of growing will happen in those 2 months!

Oh man, and rolling over in bed, or even getting out of bed, that's a whole new adventure for me. I suppose on one hand it is good that Troy's gone (for his sake) and doesn't have to share a bed with me. I don't think he'd ever get any sleep with me tossing and turning and needing 7 pillows. There's no room for him on the bed! Seriously at this point there's one under my head, a body pillow on the front side, a regular pillow under my hip in the back and one more in between my legs. It takes forever to get comfortable, when I finally do, guess who has to get up to go pee! I dread it, I really really do. Then I finally get back, fall asleep and a couple hours later have to roll over because my hip is hurting. That's a process all in itself... trying to roll over. Man! It'll be so weird to just be able to roll over again whenever I want, half asleep then fall right back to sleep afterwards. Ha! It's just all so funny. I never realized how complicated it is to have all this weight only on one side of your body.

The best part of all this is that I'm going to have a little baby boy who will be so cute I might just forget (for a minute or two) how awkward everything was while he was inside. Even better, we'll make another one or some and do it all over again! Apparently being pregnant is a small sacrifice to make for the wonderfully perfect baby we end up with in the end.... until he's a teenager then I'm sure all of this pregnant stuff will come rushing back into my memory ;-)

Me!

Can't wait to meet him!! I'm so excited and SO ready.

Hawaii !!

I thought this was TOO funny! Hawaii '08 VS Hawaii '10 LOL! Oh my! Definitely not the little tan beach hottie when you're runnin around rockin your baby bump. Ha ha! What a laugh!

 We stayed on Kauai, Hawaii. Near Poipu Beach. Here's only a FEW of our pictures. I tried to pick the ones that show my bump and how it's grown!.. since this is, for now, a blog about the baby.

One thing though... being pregnant in Hawaii is not all it's cracked up to be. Hawaii is FABULOUS no doubt, but being hot and tired and fat and sweaty while you're there is just sort of depressing! Luckily we didn't have plans to do anything except hang out at the resort and maybe go on some day trips to different areas of the island. So i didn't miss out too much on anything... just got really uncomfortable by the end of the day each day though. I spent most of the time in the water, which for me, is totally weird! Usually I only dip in the water to cool down after hours of just laying out in the direct sunlight. Hence the tan from '08. This time around it was just WAY too hot for me to be laying around. There was ONLY one other pregnant girl there. She must not be as daring as I was... or maybe just smarter. She stayed inside most of the time, I only saw her come out a couple times. We talked to her husband though... she's due mid December, so I'm sure sure was feeling REALLY yucky being outside in the heat!

Oddly enough, the best ones of my bump are all from the SAME day. No... I didn't just wear the exact same outfit all week long ;-)

Here's a few for those of you who like scenery... a little beach photo to boost your energy and make you smile.... or frown, because most of you are stuck in rain and cold.

awww it's just soo gorgeous. I wish everyone could just live here!

Below is the view of our resort standing on the balcony of our room. We're looking at the pool area, just beyond it is the beach. Literally a few steps away from the pool is the beach and the ocean! Just wonderful!

Oh here's a good family shot! We put the camera up on one of those table top tripods and balanced it on a post that was just far enough away to get us all. We could have been like normal people and just asked someone else to take a pic of us... but nooo that just wouldn't be the Vandy style!

Belly Button

2010 10 20 - 26weeks

I just realized that I have not talked about pregnancy or the baby in a while... or at least it feels that way. Reason being, it feels like nothing is really happening right now. I don't even think my tummy is getting much bigger. Perhaps it's because I'm with myself all the time and see myself all the time, that's why I don't really notice the change in size. Even in the pictures, to me, I don't look all that much bigger week to week. Not that it's a bad thing or anything. I mean, I'm already having trouble getting off the couch and putting my shoes on... no clothes fit me. The few maternity things I've bought fit of course, but it's really starting to get cold and raining and just blah outside. For some reason I just can't bring myself to spend the money to buy a coat or a hoody or something like that that will actually fit nicely. My hoodies still fit and by fit i mean very snugly... maybe that's why. Or maybe I'm just in denial and don't want to get huge and REALLY uncomfortable. I have only 3 more months and I think I'm sort of dreading those last 3 months because I've heard they're the worst. You're at your biggest and most awkward and you're just ready to be done with the pregnancy... I'm not necessarily looking forward to that part. However, I am REALLY looking forward to this baby! I want him here already :-)



2010 10 20 - 26 weeks



I was looking at my belly button the other day and decided now is the time to place bets on whether it's going to pop out or if it's just going to stretch out so far to the point where i don't have a belly button and it's just flush with my skin... sorta like an "outie" instead of an "innie". I think that it's just going to turn into an "outie" and not actually pop out. This is another way I can tell my tummy is getting bigger. Pre pregnancy my belly button was an "innie" and it was really small and went in really far. Then it started to stretch out so it was a bigger belly button but still an "innie". Over time the "innie" has slowly worked it's way out. Now it's not as deep as it was before. I just looked the other day and now my belly button is so shallow that it's only a matter of time before it doesn't even exist anymore. Does it go back to normal afterwards!? I would assume so, but I really don't know. Belly buttons sure are weird! I wonder how long it'll take before I don't have one anymore and how alien-ish it'll look. I've never seen anyone without a belly button and it's not like a spend a lot of time around a lot of pregnant women to see what their belly buttons look like... shoot, the only reason I even know they pop out sometimes is because you see the cute pregnant women who are almost done and you look at their huge tummies and see a little thing poking out right where there belly button used to be... obviously it's been stretched so far it popped right out!



2010 10 27- 27 weeks



Well, little Elijah still moves around a lot. It was very cool the other night I had my hand on my tummy to feel him and instead of real quick sudden kicks I felt him actually moving around in there. I dunno if that would make sense to anyone who's not been pregnant before, but the best way I can explain is if you took something stretchy, like a blown up balloon and  had someone stand inside it then push their fist out and run it along the whole outside while you stand outside the balloon and feel it... lol that's the best I can do! It was really freaky but really cool. Sometimes I actually wish he moved more. I don't feel him much during the day. Mostly at night when I finally lay down I feel him. He is starting to move around a lot up toward my ribs. Over the last two days mostly I've felt him actually "kick" under my ribs. It's actually pretty uncomfortable. And the other night he did something crazy that actually tickled. It felt just like someone was tickling the side of my tummy. It's just so cool! I wonder if he'll be a calm, chilled personality when he comes out too. Maybe God's gonna give me a break and bless me with a perfectly behaved little guy who doesn't fuss too much. ha! we'll see! ;-)

Flowers from Afghanistan

I know I've said it a million times already, but I do have the sweetest husband ever!

Yesterday to the front door came a flower delivery lady with flowers for me. I thought this was kinda weird and I was honestly a little freaked out... who would send me flowers? A crazy ex? A "welcome home" gift? A congratulations on baby gift? I had no idea. Of course mom said, "well I'm sure they're from troy! duh!" I replied with, "well yeah but how would he have sent flowers? He wouldn't use his ph minutes for that would he? and the Internet has got to be WAY too slow..." and of course... they were from him!

The most romantic thing ever!

A husband in Afghanistan, a war zone, in the Marine Corp separated from his fairly new wife of just over one year who's pregnant with their first baby sends flowers to her with a card saying that she's the most beautiful woman and the best thing in his life. He just wanted to send them to make her smile.

Aw! it makes me want to cry just thinking about it! He's so sweet. I found out later he used almost his whole lunch break just trying to log on to the EXTREMELY slow Internet to find some flowers to send to me just because he knew it'd make me smile. awwwww :-)

Then my dumb butt was so excited that he got to call me last night I almost forgot to thank him for the flowers!! Silly silly me! Between this pregnancy and this deployment I think I am losing my mind. Besides the fact that I love Troy so much he still makes me giddy and silly to this day :-) So all hope of remembering to tell him anything worth while is lost when he calls me. I just get too excited that it's him. It makes me stumble around to find the right words to say... i feel like i have a school girl crush. Aw I love him :-)

(And not just because he sends me flowers)

Girlfriends

Ha what a fabulous day!

A day full of girls/women! I love it! First we had my cousin's baby shower, which was super fun, she's about a month or so ahead of me in her pregnancy and she's looking absolutely adorable! I'm sure she doesn't feel that way, but she looks it :-)

After that, a candle party with some other friends, Shelly, Roxanne, and Marilyn who have been such an amazing and wonderful influence in my life, whether they know it or not. I look up to each of you and admire you. I'm thankful to have you. They gave me the sweetest gift ever! Between the three of them they created a necklace with Troy's name and Eli's name and said, "it's to wear so you'll have them close to your heart." aw! seriously, if it didn't show i apologize, but it was the sweetest thing and almost brought tears to my eyes! I love you gals and thank you SO much for thinking of me! :-)

Best of all, I just got to Skype with Troy with the webcam!! yay! I finally got to see him and his newly shaved head!!! Apparently with all the dust and the heat it was just easier to hack it all off. He looks great of course... well I think so because to me he'll always be the best looking man i know! But it is a little weird to see his hair gone! I do love his hair :-)

So I'm flying high right now, I don't think I smile at any other time ever as much as I do when I see him and when I'm with him. He really is my light. I love you hunny! He keeps asking to see my belly any chance he gets to see me which i love! I think it's wonderful that he wants to be a part of this pregnancy even a bazillion miles away. He's so great and is remaining so positive. Today he says, "only 13 more paychecks 'til I'm home!" I'm so proud of him for being so positive. I have not heard a single word of devastation from him since he left. This keeps my spirits up as well. I just hope and pray every day that I'll get to hear from him or see him. Waiting an entire week last week to talk to him was devastatingly long. It was one of the worst weeks of all time and unfortunately I am preparing myself for that to happen again, although I'm praying it doesn't.

I do have a picture of my belly...

You're looking at 25 weeks, 3 days!

... Just a few thoughts

Well thank you gals for your comments, it makes me feel much better to be reminded that I'm not the only one in the whole world who's been pregnant. Obviously that would be ridiculous to think anyways, but sometimes it feels that way! So thank you very much :-) and thank you for the support on the body image, weight gain/loss, that helps a ton also!

Today's adventure consisted of a nice walk with my mom and my "favorite aunt" along the waterfront (the Vancouver side) then a stop at the coffee shot and a long chat over bagels and cream cheese. What a nice way to start the day! It was a little chilly out, but once we got to walking we heated up rather quickly.

(I didn't take this pic b/c I forgot my camera so I'm in no way taking credit for it but this is what today looked like)

I do love spending all this time with my mom and Theresa. It's great to finally be old enough to be included in the adult conversations and activities. It's been that way for a while now, however, now that I've been married for a year and have a baby on the way I feel even closer to them as far as being able to relate to and understand more of the life situations that grown women face... if that makes sense. It's really nice to build this whole new relationship with both of them, a relationship that's more grown up and mature. I feel much more of a friend then a child. It's so nice considering with a lot of people my age I feel like I'm in a bit of an awkward stage. Most of them are not married, they're in college and playing around with their partying days, and most do not have children. There are a few that do share the same experience I'm in, but with most of them I feel a little out of place, like I can get along better with the "old" people and the moms. So often I feel a little weird and kinda left out because my age is 21 but in my experience and my mentality i feel like I should be nearing my 30s.

(I didn't take this one either! But it is beautiful and give props to the photographer)

Later in the evening my mom and I decided to make what was originally suppose to be a quick trip to BabiesRus. Well we're silly how could we possibly think that it'd be a quick trip! Hellooooo! Well I had to pick up a gift for another baby shower, so we thought we'd pop in and pop out... ohhh noooo. There are WAY too many cute baby boy clothes there! I looked online today to try to add some clothes to my registry (which by the way my registry is a little long and has a lot of stuff on it compared to the others I've seen lately, but I'm intending to use it as a list for myself to try to remember some of the things I looked at and liked if I don't end up getting them during the shower). I had no clothes on my registry at all. Well, online they didn't have much of a selection, or perhaps i was just so tired of looking online that i was burnt out and couldn't see anything anymore. Wow we found such cute things and ended up getting a registry gun and zapping everything we saw! It was awesome! I can't wait 'til he's here and we can see him in all his cuteness. Aw it'll be so wonderful :-)

... Some belly pics to come soon! I have a couple, I've been really bad about making people take them, It's not THAT huge yet, but big enough to count as a real prego belly now I think! I just have to load them on the computer.

Gestational Diabetes

I had my latest Dr. Appt yesterday afternoon. I am now 25 weeks along. At this point in the pregnancy (24-28weeks) they test for Gestational Diabetes which basically means that some women can develop diabetes while they're pregnant even if they were not diabetic before pregnancy. The way they tested me for this was by having me consume a Glucose drink called Glucola.

This was a 10oz drink that was slightly carbonated (when refrigerated it tasted almost exactly like orange soda) containing 50g of glucose. I had to drink the whole thing in 10 minutes. For me, this was like an overdose of sugar, after a few minutes I started feeling sorta "wigged out". Nothing really happened, no headaches or anything like that but I did feel pretty icky. My body is certainly not used to that! An hour after drinking the drink I had to be at the Dr office so they could draw my blood. They'll do whatever testing they do on the blood to determine if I have Gestational Diabetes or not. So if I don't get a call to come in for a second test, then the news is good. My mom says, "no news is good news!"

Other then the test, we heard the baby's heartbeat, which was 143. Doc says this is normal and sounds great! We chatted for a little on the signs of pre-term labor, so in case I see any of those signs I'll know to get ahold of him. Basically if i feel contractions that fall into a pattern, give them a call. Other then that we talked about what the hospital offers as far as classes or tours go. I'm going to take a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital, just to check it out, get a small feel for what I'll be in for in only a few more months.

Oh! They weighed me of course... I've gained 15lbs! Doc says this is totally fine and he's not concerned at all. But holy moly! That's surprising to me because I've never gained that much so quickly ever. The kind of plays into some of the slight body image issues I've run into throughout this pregnancy. Its nothing to be concerned about, but it's hard to look at my body and see these changes occurring so quickly and so dramatically. It makes me feel yucky and "fat" sometimes, especially with no Hubby around to tell me I'm gorgeous no matter what. It's very stupid to think this way, but occasionally those thoughts seep in and it's hard to let them go. I think I'm more worried about after the baby comes out...will I ever look like me again!? It's a little scary when your body's been the same way for so long! 

I did get a call today from the nurse. She said that they found a slight iron deficiency in my blood and I'm boarding on anemic or better to say i have a mild case of anemia. This is basically when the levels of hemoglobin are low in your blood as well as the red blood cell count. It can be caused by having low iron intake or low folic acid intake, among other things. It is common in pregnant women mostly because of the increase need for iron as the amount of blood in your body increases. It can increase to about 50% more then normal during pregnancy. This extra blood demands extra iron to produce extra hemoglobin. So long story short, I'll continue to take my prenatal vitamins as well as an iron tablet. The nurse also recommended eating more iron rich foods. All should hopefully be okay after this :-)

At this point it's nothing to be overly concerned about, but I can't help but to feel just a little worried. This is the first thing that's happened so far that could potentially be cause for concern. I guess its a little exciting even, since I feel like this pregnancy has so far been kinda boring... nothings really happened. I always thought lots of crazy stuff happened. However, I'm learning that more "problems" can occur during the end of the second trimester, into the third trimester. I think everything will be fine though.

Our Journey Begins

It's been a few days without Troy, which to say the least has been really weird. Luckily in these past few days he's just being trying to get to Afghanistan which gave us the opportunity to talk to each other almost every day on Skype, or at least IM each other. I have a funny feeling that that will not be able to continue with such frequency (unfortunately). I have to keep details to a minimum as to where he is and when he got there or when he'll get there... but lets just say they must be getting closer because I have not heard from him for a while. This is the hard part... I think I'm sort of getting over the initial shock and fear and sadness of this whole situation, however, it's only temporary I'm sure. Luckily I have lots to distract me now that I'm home. I'm still trying to get myself settled in here and unpack the few things I brought with me, as well as clean out my closet that still contains some remaining items (about a million pairs of shoes and all my winter gear) that I left here when I first moved away to CA. Everyone once in a while it creeps up on me though, out of no where I'll feel this serious stinging pain in my heart (figuratively of course) that won't go away. I'll feel like crying my eyes out, or simply sitting there in a depressed state of mind not wanting to move a single muscle. Sometimes I don't really want to sleep for fear that another day will come and it will be one more day that I have to live without him here with me. Now all of this is not as bad as I'm describing it because I'm smarter then some might think and I don't actually allow myself to succumb to this depressed sad feeling. Not that I try to hide it away, but I do make a very good attempt at remaining positive and pushing forward. It is not only my heart and my body I have to keep functioning now. I have this little boy growing inside me and I cannot let my stress and/or worry affect him.

I'm doing rather well all things considered. Now I say this being only about the first week or so into this deployment, so we'll see how that changes. It's hard. No one will ever really understand unless they've literally been in my shoes, and there are very few in my circle of friends and acquaintances who have actually been here. I do appreciate everyones support and their advice, but sometimes it's just not enough because they know just as well as I do that there's not a whole lot anyone can really do or say to make the sadness of missing someone go away.

Thankfully, so far anyways, Troy is also being very positive and has been doing his very best to keep my head up as well as his own. For this I am truly proud of him and very grateful. He continues to tell me how our time apart is not so long in the big scheme of things, and that he has more wonderful things to come home too. He talks to me about how he's proud of us and our baby that's coming and that he cannot wait to meet our little man. These things make me so happy and so sad all at the same time. It breaks my heart to think of our first son being born and my hubby not being able to be there in person to see and experience it all in real time, first hand. Perhaps I am speaking too soon, because there is always that small possibility that they'll allow him to come home for the birth... which I am always praying for. God works in mysterious ways though, and perhaps, for reasons unknown to Troy and I both, it's in His "plan" to keep us apart for this first birth. It makes no sense to me, but I'm doing my best to keep my trust in the Lord, that he'll see us through this and whatever His "plan" is, it's the right plan and it may never ever make any sense to anyone but Him.

This smile melts my heart. (snapshot taken while webcamming on Skype) He is so truly happy to see me, even through a video on the computer, I can see it in his face and in his eyes. Even so far apart, I'm so so happy I can make him smile :-)

We'll be just fine. :-)

The saddest day

it's aliiiiiiiiiive!!!

The coolest, most exciting thing that's ever happened in this pregnancy... He moves!!!
The baby moves!!!

I think I'm one of those people who pays a little too much attention to my body, especially when something is not "normal" for me. For example, being pregnant. All these things are happening to my body that at first I think some people would not even notice that it's happening to them. Every little tiny thing that I've felt change... I've felt. I think I've even gotten a little obsessive on certain things. I'm not talking body image and self esteem things here (although that has been affected, but that's another topic for another day) I'm talking a weird movement, or a weird pain or something doesn't feel "normal" when I do certain things... I'm obsessive. I'm going to give myself some credit though because I think in general it's a good thing. I'll know right away if something is different or wrong and when it happened and how it felt... it could be beneficial to detecting problems sooner rather then later.

Now the whole point of this...
I think I was about 17 or maybe 18 weeks when I first felt the signs that there really was a baby inside me. Without going to the doctor to see him through and ultrasound or hear his heartbeat. I felt this really weird almost fluttery feeling inside my belly on the right front side. It's weird to describe it this way, but it was almost this burning type sensation, like it almost hurt.... maybe similar to if you hit your elbow wrong and there was a nerve pain... I didnt' really know for sure how to describe it, but it was WEIRD! I sort of left it alone, but then it happened AGAIN! over and over it kept happening every few minutes this one evening. I talked to my mom and my aunt Theresa about it and they both said that it had to be the baby, the first signs of him moving around in there. Well after talking more I just got more and more excited, then I wanted it to happen all the time, I wanted so bad to feel my baby again. It gave me this reassuring feeling. Well, unfortunately I hardly ever felt it again. I could be remembering it a little wrong, but to my recollection I may have felt it happen a couple more times, but that was it! Since then I've been obsessing about actually feeling our baby "kick" for real!

It's happening!! It actually started a couple weeks ago (I'm a few days shy of 23 weeks right now) surprisingly I can't remember exactly when it happened but I suddenly, out of no where, after not even feeling the fluttering very often, felt something more. It HAD to be him "kicking" there's no way it could have been anything else! It was more then a flutter but still not enough to actually feel it if you put your hand on my tummy... but it was him, he was moving and I could actually feel it! I was so excited! I was just waiting and waiting for it to happen again. I would never really notice it happening until I would lay down to go to sleep. I think this was mostly because there were no other distractions around me so it was easier to focus on the movements. The other weird thing is I would ONLY feel the fluttering on my right side and i would ONLY feel the little "kicks" on my left side. Weird!

Part of the reason I was obsessing about him moving was because of Troy. He deploys in about a week, and all I have wanted for him before he leaves is to be able to put his hand on my belly and feel his baby kicking. This was something that we had talked about a long time ago, and since we've never had a baby, we were not sure exactly when we would be able to share this amazing experience. We were both worried that he'd be gone before it'd happen, and it'd be yet another thing he'd have to miss. It made me feel so sad, and  I prayed and prayed for him to be able to have this one thing before he leaves... sure enough, if you ask, you shall receive! It feels like in the matter of a day or two little Eli started giving me real "kicks" that I could actually feel when i put my hand on my belly. The problem was that I would only feel him once or twice, then nothing for hours and hours, or maybe the rest of the day. I would put Troy's hand on my belly when i felt something and unfortunately Eli wouldn't do it again, so Troy wouldn't get to feel anything :-( this made me so sad! But i wasn't going to give up!

One night we had just gotten into bed for the night. Like always I started to feel him moving around in my tummy. So like always i put Troy's hand where I felt it last and then Eli did it again, and again... over and over he kept "kicking" and moving around. More times in a row then I've ever felt him before and Troy got to feel it too!!! This was one of the BEST moments, by far, that I've experienced in this whole thing. It was so wonderful and made us both so happy! It made this whole baby thing real :-) Since that day I've felt him move during the day and tons of times in a row. Just yesterday  he was moving around like crazy most of the afternoon. Even this morning I felt him first thing when I woke up. I'm so happy and so thankful that God's blessed us with this little baby boy and that He's blessed us with this wonderful experience that Troy and I get to share together even though Troy will be gone for the rest of the pregnancy. I'm so thankful that we had this moment that I was so sure we wouldn't get to have... I could just cry I'm so happy :-)